Here is the difference between being depressed and grieving. Last year – from Thanksgiving on – I was mired in depression. My therapist worded it best when she said, “depression feels like emptiness and emptiness hurts.” Last year I could look at a brightly decorated tree, the wee faces of my cute kids, or bask in the warm hum of Christmas activity and feel nothing but hollowness.
How different this year has been! There are some very painful and personal struggles right now, but I am still able to relish the good. I can grieve my hurts and feel joy. I’m going to focus on the good of this season. I cooked a delicious Thanksgiving dinner for Sam, the kids, and my friends, Nicky and Eric. We forgot to take pictures because we were so engrossed in eating cheese, drinking coffee, and chatting late into the night. Sam and I decorated with the kids and each kiddo got an individual mini-shopping trip and time with me to pick out little gifts for their siblings. Some good friends threw an amazing 1st birthday party for their little girl. The kids baked “Christmas tree brownies” that turned out more like lumps (but they tasted delicious). I’ve addressed some Christmas cards and wrapped gifts. I had breakfast and a morning shopping for yarn with my mom. My evenings are spent crocheting and enjoying the glow of our tree. I hope your holidays are off to a great start!