This is my last post of the year.
No reading stats. No analysis of challenges. No summation of reading stacks conquered (or not).
I’ve read some really good books this year. I’ve seen some remarkable films, experienced some exciting events, and baked and cooked plenty.
2013 will not be a year that I remember as being rich with books, music, recipes, and projects.
2013 is the year I was pregnant for the last time. This is the last year that I will experience having a small, wriggling life pulled from my body. 2013 is the year my toddler began transitioning to little kid: no more nursing, a fierce independence, and a charming imagination has taken the lead. This year my oldest child became a teenager and began to care about eyeliner and mascara, but also began to care about women’s rights and vegetarianism. This is the year I quit eating animals. This is the year where time with my husband has become sacred and craved; our marriage has been challenged and strained this year and has emerged victoriously strong.
I feel like I grew-up this year. 2013 is a year in which my heart filled to bursting. I cannot breathe sometimes because I love so very much and I am so very lucky.
If this year is the year where I learned to love and love and love and give and give and give, then 2014 will be the year that I fill this heart back up. 2014 will be the year of self-fullness. Selfishness is certainly the wrong word as that word denotes entitlement, greed, and taking from others. Rather I want to focus on caring for myself so that I have more love, patience, and joy to give.
What does living with an eye towards self-fullness look like?
- Diligently carving out time for myself. Less time staring at my phone and more time reading. Using my small snatches of “down time” to do something with purpose that brings me joy. That could be listening to a song, reading for a mere five minutes, or knitting one more row and living in the moment while I enjoy what I am doing.
- Taking care of my health. Making time to exercise and prepare healthy lunches. Asking Sam to handle the kids so I can nap after a long night. Using my vacation time at work. Actually taking my iron supplements, probiotics, and vitamins. Drinking water.
- Caring for myself even when I don’t want to. As much as I fancy myself a feminist, I hate the way I look. I hate my body. I hate my skin. I hate my clothes. I’d love to shrink into a corner and have no one notice me. This year — even though I hate my physical self — I am going to “fake it until I make it”. I should probably think about what I wear, brush my hair, and slap on some lip gloss. Often I don’t even think about what I’m wearing and I get dressed five minutes before leaving in whatever I can grab. I’ve worn taped up flats to work, went days without brushing my hair, and skipped my own dental appointments. I am going to try really hard to like myself and not value myself worth on how much I’m needed.
I hope your 2013 was filled with love and good memories and cheers for 2014!