Wake me up when September begins

The high in Georgia today is 73. This isn’t common and just yesterday the humidity and temperatures in the 80s kept me feeling gross and lethargic. Today the crispness in the air, the grey whorl of cloud, and the dappling sun have me earnestly longing for Autumn.

This isn’t new. I’ve spent most of August telling myself the come September 1st the world will become a dazzling, happy place of peace and contentment. I don’t even care that I’m most likely setting myself up for disappointment. Reckless optimism is the name of my new game.

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I’ve stepped away from this blog for a bit and if you’re friends with me on Facebook, you’ll know that this summer has been a little rough. The kids have had illnesses, I had a near financial disaster through no fault of my own, the library flooded TWICE and caused major work flow issues because we spent several weeks perched on uncomfortable bar stools in a musty dorm common area “working.” I find it difficult to balance nursing and being a hands on mama AND working AND shopping/cleaning/cooking/scheduling AND trying to find that small sweet space of time to myself. Being a good mama is my #1 priority and my employment is #2 for obvious reasons. Mothering and work has me stressed which means that my other relationships have suffered. For one, I’ve been a shit wife. I’ll put it all out there. Sam and I have had (ahem) quality time together maybe 3 times since Persy has been born. We spend our time worrying about kids and money and I spend my time barking and demanding help. He helps wonderfully… but there is just so.much.to.do. 

I’ve also abandoned my friends. I haven’t gone out with a friend since an afternoon coffee date in July. My knitting group I’ve abandoned. Phone calls I’ve not returned. Except for Facebook exchanges (which I force myself to keep at light as possible) I haven’t interacted with friends.

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Now don’t think I’m all Doomsday-ish. Summer is just too stinking busy. I took some time from work last week … some “vacation” time. Here’s what I happened:

Persy has a stomach virus / cleared out the basement / moved Hope’s bedroom to the basement / sorted all toys and clothes for all 3 kids / moved Atticus to Hope’s old room / created a “study”/ teething baby / ortho appointment / 6 month shots / back to school shopping / open house / made appointments / sorted and filed all papers / started Persy on some solid foods / pumped like a mofo / didn’t sleep much / cross-country practice / hair cut and dyed / play group planning meeting / scrubbed all of the hardwood floors on my hands and knees / laundry / more laundry / read Matched / grocery shopping / farmer’s market / monthly meal plans / paid bills / and then Atticus dislocated his elbow (he’s fine now)

so yeah… I have to take vacation times to do all that shit and then some. I’m fucking tired.

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I decided to go easy on myself:

— The diet is on hold. My milk supply went way down despite my adding in calories for breastfeeding. Since I’ve been eating whatever and not recording my calories I’ve lost a pound and my milk supply has tripled.

–I was trying to read “what I’m supposed to read.” I’ve chucked all that and I’m blissfully reading YA fiction.

— blogging.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Haven’t done it AT ALL.

— I’m just hanging in there until Fall

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There are some good things in store for me starting in September. So since I want to blog, but lack time and brain-power I thought I’d do something easy.

COUNTDOWN TO SEPTEMBER

Fall, y’all, is gonna rock. Each day I am going to underscore one awesome thing that shimmers on the horizon.

Tomorrow I start the countdown.

Brace yourself, its gonna be good. Image

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5 comments

  1. No wonder you are tired! Just remember the baby will grow and then all that stuff will still be there to be done…..you will get time back to yourself, again. I have three kids, so I know how hard it is. I’m surprised you can get any reading done, the year I was home with the two youngest (2 years apart in age) was my lowest reading total ever for a year.

  2. Wow! I’ve missed reading you, but glad to know that despite the chaos, you are hanging in there. I saw cross country practice on that list and groaned in sympathy. (When mine were running they had to be there at 7am 5 days a week. Yes, I could walk while they practiced, but there was NO rest for the weary!) Will look forward with you to September!

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